were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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