Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
