1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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