tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
