this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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