Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I could make wine with my vomit
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
