I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
