You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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