I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
