Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize