from now on my penis is your penis
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
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