Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
