trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
