as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
