Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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