You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
