apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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