I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
