Apparently you make a good broom.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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