4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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