I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
