could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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