How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
