the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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