my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
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