my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
this beer tastes like vomit already
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
