I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
