I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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