The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
