new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
We named our party play list daddy issues
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
