just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
