i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
