some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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