You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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