I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
