i jhust puked up my retainher.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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