I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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