His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize