A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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