I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
