They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
