Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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