Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So drunk its hurt
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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