i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
