i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Randomize
