he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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