Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Two words: nipple clamps
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