Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
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