Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
