To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
