She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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