I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
