I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Still dying that you shit outside
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize