i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
