I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I have feelings that need drinking.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
