Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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