i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Boobs speak an international language.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
