I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
