I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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