i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
