Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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