This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
