Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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