all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
