Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
