last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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