i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize