I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
