we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
