It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
high people should be assigned attendants
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
