Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
