do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
