I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
