well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
