I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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