I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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