woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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