Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
