I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
