sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
