His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I think your dad took our porno
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
