I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
