yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
