i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize