About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
