I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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