after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You ruined the universe
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
