You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
