I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
