There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
