sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
