I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
