i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
