my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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