dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
porn star boner night. come get it.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
