So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
