The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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