My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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