she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize