From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My feet surprised me
Randomize
