Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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