i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
