I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
