theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
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