Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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