I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
