I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
