Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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