found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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