Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
