You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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