so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
