i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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